Things I Wish I Knew in My Twenties

I recently turned 30, and with three whole extra months life experience, I feel fully equipped to offer unsolicited advice.

Don’t Overthink. Just Try

At 15, 16, whatever-teen or twenty-something, it doesn’t matter where you start. The countless jobs I let slip by me as a youngster because I was worried I wouldn’t be good at the job or because I was worried I would get “stuck” in a field I didn’t like embarrasses me to no end.

You may not be the world’s best barista or server or dog-sitter, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try just because you’re worried you’re going to fail right out of the gate. Meet new people. Learn new skills.

If you find yourself starting in a career field you know you don't want to be in forever, let it be temporary. Everyone has to start somewhere, and just because it’s where you start doesn’t mean it’s where you’ll stay. Meet enough people and make enough connections, and you will progress.

It’s Not About the Job Title. It’s About the Skills

Every job can be broken down into basic skills.

You baby-sat your cousins one weekend in May? You have childcare experience.

You walk your uncle’s dog on the weekends? You can pet-sit.

You brought your parents breakfast in bed on their anniversary when you were nine? Welcome to the hospitality industry.

While you may not be able to use those exact examples on a resume, you already contain (and practice) the capabilities for several careers. There’s no need to be intimidated. That may sound obvious, but many people let fear paralyze them. My first major job was in college, as a computer lab assistant, and the bulk of that it was cleaning classrooms, turning computers off and on, and managing a running log of who had borrowed electronic equipment from our office.

However, from that job, I gained experience with several types of software and was able to add several references to my then very scant resume. Most of what I learned in that job informed my administrative approach to every job that followed, which is what brought me success as a substitute teacher and later as a full-time teacher. You never know where things will lead.

Don’t Fear Failure

It’s okay to be bad at something—especially when you’re just starting out.

A friend of mine obtained their first job as a server in a restaurant. Their first week there, they broke two plates, but a year later, they became the employee of the month and earned a scholarship to college.

Earlier this year, I was fired from a position at a jewelry store, and while I mourned that loss for months, I also published a book. I also started my own website (Thanks, Wix.) I also sold my book and made my own money.

I also started teaching yoga classes again. I got back to what I loved and started something new.

Yes, every failure contains lessons—I, for one, know for a fact now that I need longer than the average person to convert large sums of money—but we are imperfect people living in an imperfect world. Failure is inevitable.

Instead of beating ourselves up, maybe ask: How can we turn the failure into an opportunity?

Let Go of The Past—and Then Question It (and Then Maybe Write a Book About it)

It’s okay to be angry, it’s okay to be sad, but for the love of everything God-like, don’t stay there.

Scream, cry, punch a pillow, get lost in the woods, but please: let go.

The number of hours I wasted blaming grandparents, parents, society for my own suffering may amount to half my life. I was upset my grandmother spoke too harshly to me as a child, I was upset my mother didn’t say anything to my grandmother speaking harshly to me, I was upset that boy with the flippy hair never loved me back, and I carried all that hurt around with me for years.

Some days, I still do. Even with yoga, with reiki, with meditation, some days I still need to scream because I don’t feel heard or feel overlooked, and the purpose is not to quash those emotions, but the difference is, now I know where to put them.

I go on walks. I write stories. I take deep breaths—and, if need be, discuss the events that lead to the anger after I’ve calmed down enough to think clearly and assert my boundaries properly.

More than anything else, I’ve stopped believing everything I think and I start to look for solutions instead of more reasons to hurt.

For example, a relationship didn’t work out. Am I unlovable or did the other person and I just want different things?

I made a mistake at work. Am I an irredeemable fuck up or do I just need to focus more and ask for help when I need it?

My grandmother spoke rudely to me as a child. Was she a tyrannical, old bitch and I a horrible brat or was she just cranky when I just happened to be young, sensitive, and hyperactive?

Not every situation is clear cut, and some take longer to forgive, but the more clarity we find, the easier healing can arrive.

(I should add that my grandmother has also been one of my greatest healers—but that’s a whole other blog post.)

In summary: Let go of trying to be perfect and just live your life.

What are some pieces of advice you'd give to your younger self if you could?